Sad, Glad, Mad, and Afraid

This blog will begin the series of blogs on introspection and self-reflection. But before I jump into the details, allow me to discuss why introspection is an important soft skill and exercise.

Many people go through life allowing themselves to be defined by external factors: education, career, job title, religion, ethnicity, gender, etc… But if we took an intersectional approach to human identity (i.e. we accepted as fact that individual identity is the intersection of many identities), we find that figuring out those identities is crucial to finding out who we are. In other terms, the intersecting values that we hold in each identity are the values that define who we are, and, most importantly, how we are.

"Values inform behavior."

In an ideal world, all our interactions would be controlled, our communication clear, and misunderstanding minimal. But when push comes to shove (i.e. when we are not in control), we become reactive and our behavior becomes less mindful. We respond because we are sad, glad, mad, or afraid.

Now that I've established that premise, allow me to establish another. In those situations when we are not in control and become reactive, our behavior might be or become inconsistent. And how can you build trust without consistency?

Luckily, our values inform our behavior, including our reactions. So, a deeper knowledge of our values ensures more consistent behavior.

"What makes you sad, glad, mad, or afraid?"

The following is one of the most effective exercises that I have found and used to identifying your values. Find out what makes you sad, glad, mad, or afraid.

At the risk of blowing your mind, this is an exercise that we did as children as we were discovering our place in the world. While children engage in this process instinctually, we are going to take a more guided approach. That's what coaching is for, after all.

Ask yourself the following questions:

1- What do you believe in?
2- What are you unhappy about?
3- What brings you suffering?
4- What makes you jump for joy?
5- What are you passionate about?
6- What keeps you awake at night?
7- What do you really care about?

Once you have your answers, I want you to channel the most annoying inner child in you and relentlessly ask: why? With every why, you will have an answer. Ask why again, and again, and again until there are no more logical answers to give. Those final answers will be the clues you need to discover your values. Give the exercise the time it needs and be patient with yourself.

This concludes part one of the introspection series. I hope you found/find it insightful.

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